I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
