Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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