so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
