you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
