Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
