rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
