You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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