who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
