flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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