the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
