I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Who died my cat blue again?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
