I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize