I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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