I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
