If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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