Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
