It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
