everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
