Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
