Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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