Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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