You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Barsexuality is the new black.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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