My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There's always time for handjobs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
