Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
