I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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