UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
