your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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