Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
