I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
