I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
