My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
