If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
