No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
