someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
