I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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