I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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