Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
