Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
