i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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