Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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