Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
