What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
