i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
