2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
