shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
