I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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