We named our party play list daddy issues
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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