He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
