I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
