Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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