Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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