Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woke up backwards on a recliner
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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