Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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