I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
