At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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