She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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