Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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