i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
