I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize