Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
