cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
