Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
