We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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