i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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