Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just forgot I was standing up.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
