what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
