Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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