hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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